I was thinking about how my relationship with my father is not good at all, and i wish it was better. I pray everyday God would give me wisdom on the issue. Its so hard to love someone and not react and get mad at someone who is constantly saying things that hurt you, and doing things they know make you mad.
So i guess it was around 4 am or so during my quite time i had this idea of this "experiment." i decided whenever my dad said something or did something that upset or angered me today, i wouldn't be quick to react. And if i reacted, my reaction would be a reaction i would be ok with having if God was standing right next to me where i could see Him. I KNEW it would be a challenge. I woke up this afternoon at 3 pm however and my dad and brother were out for the day. They came back home around 9:30 or so. As soon as he gets home he starts going off on me about something that was pointless. And as hard as it was to not say anything and allow my reaction to be one that i wouldn't be ashamed of if God was standing right next to me, i was able to do just as i had hoped! It felt SO good to not get mad and to deal with it calmly and in a reasonable manner. I had always told myself to calm down and be nice or what not. Never really worked like i planned. But the whole "is my reaction a reaction i would be ashamed of if God was standing next to me" outlook on how to deal with it totally helped! i was so happy! Every night pretty much my dad and i have a fall out and it usually ends in slamming doors and screaming and me laying on my bed in tears praying asking God to give me wisdom for dealing with it. Finally i've gotten an answer, its probably not a full answer, but at least a partial one! I can't wait for the next time he goes off on me honestly so i can deal with it just as i did earlier, it was such a good feeling, and didn't end in tears and slamming doors :)
Good for you!
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