Well it all started at about 6 am or so Thursday morning. I hadn't been asleep, i've been having trouble sleeping these past few days b/c of the time change. But I was in bed about to have my quite time and i see an old journal of mind under my bedside table. I remembered it was what i had been writing in from April-June 08. For about 6 months I had a mentor at my old church, and she told me that sometimes she'll journal and write it as though its a prayer, and its a good way to get thoughts out. So i started doing that a bit. There weren't many entries in it but i read through the ones in it. Now at this point in my life i was a Baby Christian. I was raised in the Church but didn't accepted Christ until June 7th 2007. I ran from God for so long because i felt it was forced upon me. Now i can't see why i ran. But well I started reading it and a re-occuring sentence was asking God to draw me closer to Him. It was something i was continually asking from the day i accepted Christ. Now, beginning in January 08 i had some major events happen. First my Youth Pastor Left, then i found out my band director was resigning for my senior year, i totaled my moms car, found out my assistant band director who i looked up to, but no one else liked was leaving but i knew a month before EVERONE else and wasn't allowed to say a word, which was REALLY hard, then i lost drum major which i thought was the end of the world and i'd worked my butt off for 3 years for[but now i see wasn't], then found out my jazz band director was leaving as well, then i went through a time where i totally drew away from God [i learned a HUGE lesson from this and never want it to happen again]. Then the fall came, my mom's dear friend, Cynthia Cockrell died, then my basically Grandma but not by blood died a month later, then my dog in a freak accident. Just one disappointing thing after another kept happening. And i'll be honest, i wasn't really back on track with God until probably early November. I had left DBC and was in search of a new church but no church i visited felt right. Then in december i decided to visit FBC Prosper, however i always told myself i'd never choose to go to a Baptist Church on my own after being raised in one, after a few visits and lots of prayer i knew it was where God wanted me. It just felt like family, i loved it and knew it was a place i could grow in my walk with God in. Then this past January 11th I was baptized! It was SUCH a special day!
On January 3rd of this year, i got a text from friend that brought devastating news. My best guy friend from junior year, who was also a fellow horn player, and my prom date junior year, had been in a tragic car wreck the night before and didn't make it. THAT killed me. And i hadn't gotten to call and wish him a happy 18th b-day 5 days prior. On top of that i've been dealing with a lot of Health issues and since August 22nd 2008 i've been sick off and on. I had mono. But now just have a hard time getting well and staying healthy. Which has caused a lot of stress, and not having an answer as to why. But now to the point of this whole post. When i went through these events, except for Michael's Death, and my now unknown illness. I have realized during those times, i did NOT run to God for comfort, i ran to friends and others around me. And now especially since michaels death i have begun to run to God FIRST during times of heartache. This has brought me SO MUCH closer to God! My relationship with Him has deepened and grown in ways i never knew existed. It's the most AMAZING feeling in the world. After reading the journal entries i began to make a lot of connections. And i realized that from the time i really was asking God to bring me closer to Him, all these life changing events started happening. And now that i have much better understanding of the Christian Faith and know my Bible much more, i've realized God put ALL of those trials in my path to bring me closer to Him like i had been asking! He was answering my prayers in a way, and I NEVER realized it until now. And now that i realize it, it calms my heart SO much with the pain i suffered through those events. When i figured this out i was at loss of words. It brought me to tears of joy because of how God works. It was such a special moment. And also i think about what my walk with Christ was like from the time i accepted Christ and how it is now. And i can't believe how much my walk with Him has grown. Even in these last 3 months. I never expected to be at the point i'm at right now. Before i accepted Christ, i thought that Christianity was "ask Jesus to save you from your sins,be dunked under water, follow rules, pray, go to church, read your bible." I never had been told that "its not a religion, its a relationship" Without Him, and the relationship i have with him, I could not have the positive attitude i have about the trials i am put through daily. I would keep all my pain and suffering bottled up and i'd be one depressed kid. I know this was really long and i could write more, but won't, but i just had to put this out here, it was so amazing to me! James 1:2-3 has definitely gotten me through these last couple of months, "Consider it ALL joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces ENDURANCE!" and this verse it SO true!
ahh well i'm gonna try to sleep now...i've slept maybe 10 hrs in the past 72+ hrs :/
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