Ok so yes i have a problem with over-analyzing certain situations, or things..well more like EVERYTHING! Sometimes it gets me in trouble, cause i worry WAY too much and think the worst possible outcomes and DONT stay positive. But then sometimes it brings me to an odd point of realization sorta of an "ah hah" moment that really puts me in awe of God.
Where to start...
During Summer of 2008 I got on a REALLY rocky path. Got into somethings I shouldn't have and KNEW they weren't the "wise thing to do" yet I still fell to the devil's temptations and carried out with them. After I had carried out the actions I had, I felt MISERABLE. I had just done something(drinking alcohol) i promised myself i would NEVER do, at least not until i was of age and wouldn't allow it to proceed to drunkenness. Well obviously that promise i broke. I continued to beat myself up over it, and ran FAR from God because i was ashamed of what i had done. And i didn't really realize i have been saved by Christ because of sin, like this that we can no avoid even though i knew it. I was and still am a baby Christian. At that point in time i had been a Christian for just a year and was very susceptable to the "old way of life." Even though before I surrendered my life to Christ, i had moral values that were based of Christianity. After the week of "partying" i guess you could call it i FINALLY realized "dang i SCREWED UP." But as i said above, i RAN FAR. When in all reality i should have drawn nearer. For many many months i couldn't understand WHY i did the things i did and God allowed me to do so. I got to the point where i didn't go to church for at least 3 months. I'm the kind of girl that doesn't miss a sunday even if i'm in bed SICK as can be! So that was VERY rare for me. I was NOT in the word and can't recall a time during the 3 months after the rebellion that i even prayed. And now looking back on that, i ask myself "how was i so ignorant to NOT draw near to him." After my mentor at the time had found out about the downfall, she was VERY upset with me. And the following day decided that she did not need to be my mentor any longer. That was ROUGH. She'd been there ever since i had accepted Christ and now for her to kick me to the curb because i'm a sinner did NOT make sense at all! I was at Denton Bible at that time. I would say i'm trying to find a new church, but in all reality, i was just on a rebellion however didn't want to face the truth of that. I had found a church i thought was where God wanted me but after more visits and prayer i knew with all my heart it wasn't. It bugged me not to have a "church family." By oh the end of September, early October i began to get things right with God. Different things happened in my life that slowly drew me back to Him. Around November i visited FBC Prosper. I knew there was something different there than at any other church i had been to. A few more visits and lots of prayer i KNEW that's where God was calling me to. This past January i proceeded with the act of Baptism and became a member. I love my church family. I feel SO comfortable around them. I don't feel as though i have to hide truths from my past to be accepted and i can be completely honest with each and every person i'm doing life with at the church. God REALLY got ahold of my heart in December, more than EVER before. Things started happening that unless i drew near to Him i would NOT have gotten through to this day and would still be struggling with greatly. These various events and trials brought me to many realizations. Several months ago i felt God was calling me to ministry. Where in the ministry i was unaware. I really began praying about it and showing Him the desires of my heart but put His will FIRST. At one point i specifically started praying that "God, if Your will is for me to be in the ministry, please open doors that clearly show me, 'cate this is where I am calling you to." Shortly after i started praying that specifically a door was opened. I was given the opportunity to travel to Quito, Ecuador to share the gospel with people who quite possibly had NEVER heard of Jesus! About 2 weeks after that ANOTHER door was opened. The lead pastor at my church came to me and asked me to start praying about being apart of the missions team at church. Right there it was sorta a "whoah now! Was that prayer REALLY just answered THAT quickly?" I continued to pray about it and especially that God would slowly show me His will, especially in Ecuador. I knew my call was to Missions in quite a dangerous area of Quito, Ecuador called La Paz while standing in a road up this hill where i shared the gospel with this group of 7 women. It was so overwhelming! As well as the call to missions being revealed to me, God has opened doors for me to serve in ways i NEVER imagined being capable to! I'm now a 6th grade leader and God is using me to pour my life into those girls so out of them hearing my testimony and applying it in ways to their lives He will be glorified! It is SO exciting! How this relates to my poor decision of drinking is:
Because of the poor decision i made God brought about something that has been and continues to be an absolute blessing. This is because of my decision different things took place that called me to a different church where i was put to different trials and learned how to pull through them and doors were opened to a whole new chapter of my life. My dad always says "something good will come out of all this bad" I never believed him fully. I think it was because i had gone through bad for SO long i had forgotten what good looked like in life. As i was over-analyzing every single thing that had occurred over the past 2 years or so, i saw that if i hadn't made that unwise decision i quite possibly wouldn't be where i am now, at least not here the way i got here. I wouldn't have friendships i cherish with certain people, and i would still have a lot of life lessons i would not have learned. I thought it was so crazy how one dumb decision, such as drinking alcohol in this situation could make such a LARGE impact on my life. At first negative impact but in the end brought about good.
Totally random but i needed to get it written down and was curious of peoples opinions.
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