Fighting God.

The title of this is actually the title of the sermon that has brought me to this post.

Where to begin is what i'm not really sure of, because there is so much on my heart that i feel needs to be said.

Suppose i'll begin with a basic overview of the sermon.

Basically it was talking about how we have these "plans" laid out for our lives that we want to fall into place EXACTLY how we made them, no matter what! However, when God changes those plans we are very quick to say "no, God, not gonna do it." or whine about it saying "thats not fair God, why do You have to be so mean."  It went onto say that our plans for our lives will NEVER bring about blessings. ONLY OBEDIENCE to GOD'S PLANS for our lives will! And we have to run astray from the plans we have made and be obedient to His plans, no matter how tough it may be!

This sermon was preached a week ago from this past sunday. It was one of those sermons that you walk away thinking "that is JUST what i needed" and it allowed God to REALLY get ahold of your heart on a variety of things. One thing in particular God REALLY spoke to me on. 

During worship, before the sermon, i was really asking God to focus my heart and show me what i needed to be shown, and especially in a certain situation. That situation being things going on at home. One that has been a real burden on my heart for a while but never really fully sank in and bugged me until July. Basically, I couldn't recall the last time I heard from EITHER of my parents "I Love You." I always was aware of it, but one day in Ecuador was when it was REALLY tough. I had called my mom and it would be the only time i would be able to talk to her until i got home, which she was fully aware of. I couldn't recall the last time she told me she loved me, even at the airport leaving she didn't, and in all reality it could have been the last time she EVER saw me. I talk to her for not even one minute before i have to go and i prayed and hoped she would say those three words, considering it could quite likely be the last time she ever spoke to me. She didn't. and it killed me inside. 

Once i got back from Ecuador it really was a big burden on my heart. Especially because adults who aren't even family tell me they love me all the time. It was something constantly in my prayers, that God would bring about change in that situation. 

Quite recently I have been struggling living at home, and I thought of all the ways to move. Doors opened that seemed AWESOME for me to move out, and the more i prayed about it, the more i knew it was NOT God's will. THAT bugged the HECK outta me! I feel like i'm living under a roof with a bunch of strangers!

During this sermon God REALLY laid on my heart that i couldn't keep following MY plan of getting out of here, and avoiding the situation He had put me in and i needed to just lay the issue at His feet and allow HIM to take care of it, because after all, He is in control, and it is HIS PLAN, NOT MINE!

I prayed that God would allow me to not fight the situation i am in and trust Him to pull me through it and see the situation to the end to come out for the best according to His will.

NOT EVEN three hours later, i was in Joann's Fabric/Craft Store just browsing around and i get a phone call from my mom. She was just checkin up on what i was doing today,ect. When it came time to hang up the phone she said those three words i hadn't heard in God only knows how long! Standing by the back wall of fabric at joanns I was in such shock I hung up the phone and almost started bawling. It was a HUGE answered prayer and my surrender to God's plan not even three hours prior i felt had a BIG role in this!

THEN: This past sunday, a week later, I had just left Impact(church thing) and typically if i'm alone in my car after church or a church type function, i'll turn on KLTY sing a song or two then turn it off and just pour my heart out to God. My car is my "happy place" to talk to God, i guess you could call it. ITs odd, yes, but true. I had just got done talking to my mentor about different things and she was advising me to just lay it ALL at God's feet;which i knew, just hadn't done in full. Just as i had done with the specific thing the prior sunday. Once again i did, and not just with my family situation but, with EVERY THING. I kid you NOT even 10 minutes prior to that in depth conversation with God, i get a call from my dad. This was probably one of the first conversations we have had in a LONG time that didn't have ANY sort of negativity in it. And in addition to that, before he hung up i heard him say "night sweetie, love you." As i am typing this i am beginning to tear up at the significance of this all. I could NOT believe my ears. I had to hold back the tears because i was driving and it was dark and rainy and did NOT wanna wreck. But it was SUPER emotional and i could NOT praise God enough for it! 

Basically, I'm trying to say that the statement "Your plan for your life will NOT bring about blessings, but obedience to God's plan WILL bring about blessings" is SO true. I never imagined God to work like that, and that quickly after surrendering obedience to HIS PLAN. I was overwhelmed with His power and love; still am. 

It is such a blessing to be loved by a God who does things like this and at time LEAST expected!!

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Realization-gotta love...readdd itt(:

Over-analyzing.

Ok so yes i have a problem with over-analyzing certain situations, or things..well more like EVERYTHING! Sometimes it gets me in trouble, cause i worry WAY too much and think the worst possible outcomes and DONT stay positive. But then sometimes it brings me to an odd point of realization sorta of an "ah hah" moment that really puts me in awe of God. 

Where to start...

During Summer of 2008 I got on a REALLY rocky path. Got into somethings I shouldn't have and KNEW they weren't the "wise thing to do" yet I still fell to the devil's temptations and carried out with them. After I had carried out the actions I had, I felt MISERABLE. I had just done something(drinking alcohol) i promised myself i would NEVER do, at least not until i was of age and wouldn't allow it to proceed to drunkenness. Well obviously that promise i broke. I continued to beat myself up over it, and ran FAR from God because i was ashamed of what i had done. And i didn't really realize i have been saved by Christ because of sin, like this that we can no avoid even though i knew it. I was and still am a baby Christian. At that point in time i had been a Christian for just a year and was very susceptable to the "old way of life." Even though before I surrendered my life to Christ, i had moral values that were based of Christianity. After the week of "partying" i guess you could call it i FINALLY realized "dang i SCREWED UP." But as i said above, i RAN FAR. When in all reality i should have drawn nearer. For many many months i couldn't understand WHY i did the things i did and God allowed me to do so. I got to the point where i didn't go to church for at least 3 months. I'm the kind of girl that doesn't miss a sunday even if i'm in bed SICK as can be! So that was VERY rare for me. I was NOT in the word and can't recall a time during the 3 months after the rebellion that i even prayed. And now looking back on that, i ask myself "how was i so ignorant to NOT draw near to him." After my mentor at the time had found out about the downfall, she was VERY upset with me. And the following day decided that she did not need to be my mentor any longer. That was ROUGH. She'd been there ever since i had accepted Christ and now for her to kick me to the curb because i'm a sinner did NOT make sense at all! I was at Denton Bible at that time. I would say i'm trying to find a new church, but in all reality, i was just on a rebellion however didn't want to face the truth of that. I had found a church i thought was where God wanted me but after more visits and prayer i knew with all my heart it wasn't. It bugged me not to have a "church family." By oh the end of September, early October i began to get things right with God. Different things happened in my life that slowly drew me back to Him. Around November i visited FBC Prosper. I knew there was something different there than at any other church i had been to. A few more visits and lots of prayer i KNEW that's where God was calling me to. This past January i proceeded with the act of Baptism and became a member. I love my church family. I feel SO comfortable around them. I don't feel as though i have to hide truths from my past to be accepted and i can be completely honest with each and every person i'm doing life with at the church. God REALLY got ahold of my heart in December, more than EVER before. Things started happening that unless i drew near to Him i would NOT have gotten through to this day and would still be struggling with greatly. These various events and trials brought me to many realizations. Several months ago i felt God was calling me to ministry. Where in the ministry i was unaware. I really began praying about it and showing Him the desires of my heart but put His will FIRST. At one point i specifically started praying that "God, if Your will is for me to be in the ministry, please open doors that clearly show me, 'cate this is where I am calling you to."  Shortly after i started praying that specifically a door was opened. I was given the opportunity to travel to Quito, Ecuador to share the gospel with people who quite possibly had NEVER heard of Jesus! About 2 weeks after that ANOTHER door was opened. The lead pastor at my church came to me and asked me to start praying about being apart of the missions team at church. Right there it was sorta a "whoah now! Was that prayer REALLY just answered THAT quickly?" I continued to pray about it and especially that God would slowly show me His will, especially in Ecuador. I knew my call was to Missions in quite a dangerous area of Quito, Ecuador called La Paz while standing in a road up this hill where i shared the gospel with this group of 7 women. It was so overwhelming! As well as the call to missions being revealed to me, God has opened doors for me to serve in ways i NEVER imagined being capable to! I'm now a 6th grade leader and God is using me to pour my life into those girls so out of them hearing my testimony and applying it in ways to their lives He will be glorified! It is SO exciting! How this relates to my poor decision of drinking is:

Because of the poor decision i made God brought about something that has been and continues to be an absolute blessing. This is because of my decision different things took place that called me to a different church where i was put to different trials and learned how to pull through them and doors were opened to a whole new chapter of my life. My dad always says "something good will come out of all this bad" I never believed him fully. I think it was because i had gone through bad for SO long i had forgotten what good looked like in life. As i was over-analyzing every single thing that had occurred over the past 2 years or so, i saw that if i hadn't made that unwise decision i quite possibly wouldn't be where i am now, at least not here the way i got here. I wouldn't have friendships i cherish with certain people, and i would still have a lot of life lessons i would not have learned. I thought it was so crazy how one dumb decision, such as drinking alcohol in this situation could make such a LARGE impact on my life. At first negative impact but in the end brought about good. 

Totally random but i needed to get it written down and was curious of peoples opinions.